New revelations, Music I enjoy... Thank you Pandora

This is just a list of bands that I've come to realize that I enjoy. I do not endorse the lyrics or behavior of these bands... honestly I haven't really done any research on these bands. I simply realized after "liking" everyone of their songs on Pandora that it was time to buy their cd.

here's a musical wish list:
1. The Vision of A Dying World
2. Iron & Wine
3. Company of Thieves
4. James Blunt
5. The Fray
6. Mumford & Sons
7. Ingrid Michaelson
8. Gotye
9. Adele
10. Five for Fighting
11. Boys like Girls
12. A fine frenzy

Its ok if you think I am a late musical bloomer... at least I have found some things besides country & 90's pop that I enjoy. :0) Some of these bands/performers remind me of my little brother's taste and some are a branch off of other things I enjoy.

Feel free to buy me an album of one of these bands at any time :0)

Your Exerperiences Don't Discredit Mine

I am fragile. I am sensitive and I may appear like an extrovert but if there is a louder person in the room I will definitely retreat. Recently I was talking to an acquaintance about some personal experiences I had. It was a serious risk on my part... there are some things about my life that only God & my therapist will hear about. My heart had been opened in the conversation and I was willing to discuss some things however the person heard my story and then tried to tell me that I didn't KNOW that feeling because I didn't experience the things that THEY had.

What a painful thing to do to another individual!

I know that I have been guilty, in the past, of not giving someone credit for their thoughts or emotions because I had a different experience; I see now how wrong and rude that is. Why do we think we need to undermine someone else's pain? Do we think that it justifies our experiences if we discredit another's?

I think we all crave to be accepted as special individuals and we strive to point out why we are unique or different. Why do we need to define our pain or experiences as worse than our friends, families or acquaintances?

I believe that I need to pursue a life of loving others. I may have painful experiences in my past and some that are probably yet to come... however that does not mean I can tell you that you don't know what heart ache, loss, hunger, disappointment, love, sacrifice is simply because your story is different.

Can I get an Amen?

God calls us to love each other as He loves us. Sacrificial. Selfless. Unconditional. How can we deliver that love to the people around us when we are so busy focusing on make sure every one understands how deeply we have suffered? Let's let go of the need to be the greatest & focus on serving to the greatest degree. It's time we turn our hearts outward and show love to others.

Listen compassionately. Love deeply. Live selflessly.

Affection isn't just about sex

When I was in elementary school I believed that you showed love for people by cleaning THEIR room or giving them some of your toys and giving lots of hugs. As I grew older my opinion changed. I thought that love was what I saw in movies and in the hallway at school. You had to kiss your boyfriend or let him touch you if you were in love. I thought that you had to push your boundaries and that it was ok because you were expressing love but little did I realize there was something very true to my elementary school days thought process.

When I married my husband we read Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages. That book truly helped us as a newly married couple learn how to show love to each other in our individual ways. We love differently. My husband is quite different than I am.  For example, based on the Love Language quiz on their website I am:

7-Words of Affirmation

8-Quality Time

4-Receiving Gifts

2-Acts of Service

9-Physical Touch

 

My husband is: (if my memory serves me right)

1st quality time

2nd words of affirmation

3rd acts of service

My primary love language is physical touch. This isn't just about sex. I love to have my husbands hand on my back or if we are walking, I love to hold hands. I love to sit next to him on the couch so that our sides are touching. I want to feel his presence near me and I feel love when he is close.

 

Now I took this test thinking about my husband. When I have taken this test before I was thinking of friendships and my scores are quite different. With my husband the primary results are Physical Touch, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. This means that if my husband wanted to show me he loved me, the way I receive love, he would need to find ways with in those top 3 to express himself. 

 

I am a firm believer in the idea of Love Languages. (If you want more specific information on how to assess yourself, check out: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) Gary Chapman has a beautiful concept. We are not all the same when it comes to love; just like we are not all the same when it comes to personality, skills, preferences, and appearance.

The point is: Affection isn't just about sex. We are all different and can show love to each other in the ways our loved ones hear love.  When we show love to our significant others we need to know the way they receive love and learn ways to express it they way they understand it. If your significant other cares for you, they will find ways to love you the way you hear love as well. This is a key part of a sacrificial & healthy relationship. We learn to give as Christ gave. If we all put effort in to expressing love to our significant others, then we will all feel loved and maybe... we will stop searching for love in empty things.

 

Young Adults! Please recognize that you are a gift from God. You are a unique and important individual! Don't just think there is one way that you HAVE to express love, God has given us many avenues to show love. Don't feel trapped, because you aren't! Sex is a way to show affection but it isn't the ONLY way to show love.

20 things on my mind/Things I want to do in my life

1. Figure out what I want to go to Grad School for: Preacher or Teacher???  I recently learned that whichever of those two routes I take... I'll be starting out with a Master of Divinity. If I were to continue on to become a professor I would then get my doctorate in biblical studies. I am really liking the idea of diving into old testament minor prophets.
1.1 Grad School--need to get in to grad school with my undergrad GPA for starters... I'll need prayer in that department.
2. Find a career that pays benefits--possible with the degree I have... but I would have to quit both part time jobs and move to find a bigger church to work within. God really needs to open some major doors for me.
3. Be comfortable/content living within my means
4. Be able to live love like Jesus
5. Read the books I was "supposed" to read in school: Sophie's World, Can These Bones Live, finish the Lord of the Rings, Christ & Culture... and the high school novels I should have read.
6. Write an autobiography (not to get published but simply for therapy)--started on a private blog.
7. Travel with Jesse to all the light houses on the East Coast (this started when jesse & I had our honey moon in North Carolina on the Outer Banks)
8. Take Jesse with me to the countries I've been to:
8.1 France
8.2 Italy
8.3 England
8.4 Germany
8.5 Israel
8.6 Egypt
8.7 Jordan
8.8 Jamaica
8.9 Canada
9. Read the Entire Bible (yes even numbers, Deuteronomy & Leviticus)
10. Sew a dress with out any help
11. decorate a room entirely with things I have made--our apartment has paintings hung on the walls but I would love to also sew pillows, a couch cover, refurnish a coffee table & make curtains.
12. design a meaningful tattoo--have one drawn out. need to go talk to a tattoo artist, find one that has an artistic style that I am ok with...
12.1 don't chicken out
12.2 get the tattoo
13. dye my hair a rainbow
14. shave my head
15. re-pierce my conch in my left ear
16. become "well-read"
17. write something that you would be proud to show others
18. Paint something that is full of expression and devoid of replication
19. Refurbish a piece of furniture
20. Flip a house

Made for Something More?

Sometimes I get lost in the ideas of "what if...". I second guess choices I made in the past and wonder or worry about what could have been different. But the truth is I am a control freak and I hate letting go of control. Lately, I have really felt God calling me to grow in that department. There has been a voice in the back of my mind encouraging me to let go fo the need to control it all.

I'm a little stressed about life right now and trying to figure out what God wants me to do with my life. I am loving my church job but I have to start paying for health insurance this fall and will cost more than my current salary.

Because of my fear of the unknown, I have been talking to career services at my college to try to make a plan for my future. Through the meetings and discussions theyve assessed that I really want to go into higher education. I'm not sure what that looks like yet. I have always considered the idea of becoming a pastor but have never figured out if it was the teaching aspect that I like of if its the spiritual aspect that I enjoy.

 

Unfortunately I do not have any preaching experience to compare to my teaching expereince. I have taught as Student Ministries Coordinator in the youth group andin a women's bible study. Informal teaching is something I really enjoy and had at one point in time considered (that door hasn't fully closed yet) teaching High School education. However I can't seem to separate teaching faith from my path. That's what i'm trying to reconcile.

With the possibility of God calling me to gain education my fears are many but most specifically moving away from Sioux Falls, having the money to pay for school and what kind of time schedule it will be on; all things I have a tough time giving up. As I mentioned before I feel like God is challenging me to let go of those things. 

 

I keep trying to apply for jobs in Sioux Falls that would put me in a better pay scale but the doors keep shutting... or at least not opening. But I have been saying "no" to God for a long time about letting go of my money, time and the idea of moving... and today was the first day I really felt like I could possibly say "yes" to Him.

 

In the Bible there are so many circumstances where God askes someone to do something to see if their heart is willing... not to make them carry out with something they didn't want to do... but to gain a willingness to listen to God's call.  I would love to hear that God is actually just checking to see if my heart will be opened to the idea of moving, schooling (and money) and on the time schedule that God has... BUT i don't think that is how God works. Conditional obedience isn't really obedience at all.

 

Please be praying for me as I, and my husband, try to sort out exactly what this will look like for us.

Reflections on Today's Youth

 

First off i want to look at the lyrics from the new single by Miranda Lambert called  "My Mama's Broken Heart" (Songwriters: MUSGRAVES, KACEY / MCANALLY, SHANE L / CLARK, BRANDY LYNN)

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
I don't know what I did next all I know, I couldn't stop

Word got around to the barflies & the baptists
My mama's phone started ringin off the hook
I can hear her now sayin she ain't gonna have it
Don't matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

Go & fix your make up, girl it's just a break up
Run & hide your crazy & start actin like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain't my mama's broken heart

Wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a kennedy when camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin the matches
When the fire trucks show up & there's nobody else to blame

Can't get revenge & keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip & bite your lip & save a little face

Go & fix your make up, girl it's just a break up
Run & hide your crazy & start actin like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain't my mama's broken heart

Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips & keep em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I's
& never let em see you cry

Go & fix your make up, girl it's just a break up
Run & hide your crazy & start actin like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain't my mama's broken heart

What i've been thinking about lately is the change of respect & how it is portrayed by the younger generations. Now i have to admit, i am 25 years old... i'm not "old" by any means but i do feel a little out of touch with the students in middle school and high school today.
 I am a woman of  respect. I expect to be listened to when i'm speaking, repsonded to when i ask a question and compromised with when a disagreement exists. I don't believe in crying in public (because women frequently use it as a manipulation tool to get what they want) but i do believe in real emotions. I don't believe in expressing your anger with your loved ones in public, that is a private ordeal to be sorted out in the privacy of your own home... however i do believe that it is important to resolve things in a timely manner.
I believe that students of the 2000's very much so fit the lyrics of this song. 'We wear our heart on our sleaves and don't hold back any thoughts that come into our mind because that would be lying to ourselves.' I have personally experienced students who will publicly shame someone because they disagree... and never think to take in the context of another person's situation. They MUST  express their thoughts because they are "just being honest" and it would be "untrue to themselves" to hold their thoughts in.
YOUTH OF TODAY LISTEN UP: Everyone in the world should not know everything about your life and your thoughts or opinions on all topics. We are not being examples of love by throwing up every thought that comes to our mind, in fact we are hurting more people by this than we are helping.
We are given the gift of live by our Heavenly Father. God is a God of love and compassion; he forgives our broken and sinful selves without a second thought. Why do we think we have the right to hold on to others' mistakes and broadcast our painful thoughts for the world to see?  God gave us a "filter" to live by, a code of conduct: Love God, Love Others. How are we loving people when we simply spew out the first things that come to our minds?

I want you to know that i think that emotions and opinions are real and important but there is an appropriate time and an appropriate place to express both. I tell my students who have extreme hormonal imbalances and my students with A.D.H.D that they have a super power and have to decide if they are going to use it for good or for evil. I would like to modify this statement a little to apply here: We all have opinions and emotions but how we decide to express them is up to us--will we choose to hurt people or will we choose to love people?

The Art of Being Self-less or at least considerate of others

In America today,really in south dakota & in sioux falls... today i think we constantly struggle with the issue of selfishness. We have grown up in a society that feeds off of the "i want" mind set and that what "i want" is the most important need that should be filled. I want potato chips--someone should provide them & in a quick & convienient fashion. I want a boyfriend who acts just like all the hollywood chickflicks say my boyfriend would act. I want you to listen to me.
The problem is... if we are all focused on others meeting our needs... no ones needs actually get met. Our selfishness is preventing society from progressing. There have been two men in my life who have taught me two foundational aspects of living a selfless life.

1. The first was one of my youth pastors growing up. As youth we would frequently go on trips: mission trips, camping trips, trips to theme parks etc. On these trips there would be occasional times where we, as students, would be in charge of ourselves.
An example would be on a winter camp trip to a ski resort in the Twin Cities area. We went to the Mall of America for some free time and shopping. The biggest point of this example is our "check in times" that we had. At certain points in the day we had to meet our leader at the "check point" and make sure everything was ok. Frequently students would be late to these check in times and we all would have to wait for them in order to be released. The point was to teach timeliness. When students did show up late to this check in time our youth pastor gave us all a little chat.
He said: your arrival time defines who you care more about. if you are late... you are only concerned with what effects you. Arriving early to an appointment shows that you are considerate of the person you are meeting. your timeliness defines whether you are selfish or selfless.
This concept has stuck with me. I am avid about being early. I get super stressed and feel guilty if i am late because i DO care about the people i am meeting. I would love to see a world where we schedule our time well enough that we are on time to our appointments and show others consideration.
2. The second man was a college professor of mine. While on a trip to Israel with my college class my professor and i had a conversation that changed my life.
He told me i was the most selfish person he had ever met.
My heart was broken by that statement. I thought i had been spending my life loving on others but what he had pointed out to me was that i was focused on teaching others to LOVE ME and not me love them.
The basis of his theory was this: i was a poor listener.
My professor discussed the importance in listening in a conversation. I loved telling stories and wanted to entertain... i frequently would steal the spot light of any converstation so that i could tell a story and "one-up" the previous story. All the while i missed how much my audience was actually bored. They were bored because it wasn't a conversation... i was living on a soap box telling the world my stories and not listening to theirs.
He continued on by explaining what habits i should establish. When i enter
into a conversation with someone now i must keep the converstation focus on them. Ask questions relevant to what they are telling me. My goal is to hold on to the microphone as little as possible and soak up as much as the speaker is saying. Pass the microphone back to them with a question. This shows you care about them and are not overly concerned with them caring about you. Selflessness.

Perhaps these two concepts seem trite to you: 1. be on time 2. be a good listener. But the fact of the matter is... these are tangible things you can practice to teach yourself to love others.
Stop being late to appointments, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
Coffee with a friend after work, dinner with your spouse, an interview, visiting your grandmother, a board meeting for your church. Timeliness shows that you care about the people you are meeting with, about what you will be discussing, and most importantly... THEIR time.
Stop trying to plan what you are going to say once the person you are talking to takes a long enough breath for you to but in... stop interrupting their story with antedotes of your own... listen, ask questions, respond appropriately.

Our Goal as Christians: Love God, Love Others